Tweedle-Dum, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Three: Musings on the German Speech Police Courtesy of 60 Minutes

Many readers sent me this 60 Minutes segment on the German internet speech police, and I’ve watched it about ten times now. I’m not exaggerating. It’s just remarkable to see a central theme of the plague chronicle appearing on an American news programme, and also (once again) slightly embarrassing – like having one’s regrettable family affairs aired in public. The Federal Republic really is an open-air insane asylum, competing for the top spot in a Europe full of similarly crazy countries.

I find it hard to exaggerate how oppressive and petty the speech police have become. I’ve covered the case of Stefan Niehoff, a 64 year-old retiree who had his house raided for the crime of tweeting a meme that called Green Economics Minister Robert Habeck a “professional moron.” I wrote about Doris van Geul, a 74 year-old woman who was convicted (among other things) for suggesting that some migrants might be “loafers and freeloaders.” Her pension is so meagre and her fines so high that she’ll probably be paying them off for the rest of her life. Tweeting the poop emoji at cabinet ministers, quoting politicians inexactly, calling Green politicians fat and stupid – all of this can lead to ruinous fines in the Federal Republic. Repeat offenders can even face prison time, all for saying impolite things to powerful people.

Since 2021, Germany has a lèse-majesté prohibition on the books, which enhances the penalties for defaming, insulting or maliciously gossiping about “persons in political life.” A whole malign industry has sprouted up around this vile statute. Firms with zoomer names like “So Done” file speech crime charges on behalf of defamed, insulted and maliciously gossiped-about politicians, and the “victims” agree to share half of any awarded damages with these self-appointed censors. It is like a free-market Stasi, it really sucks, and thanks to 60 Minutes, Americans get to hear about all of this lunacy over popcorn in their living rooms.

This topic is an intensely personal one, because who knows when the deranged internet police will come for eugyppius. Obviously intimidation is the point and they’ll never stop me from posting, but I’m not going to pretend I’m unfazed by these arbitrary repressions. I think about it all the time, and I’ve had to totally rearrange my personal routine with respect to electronic devices – both so that I can keep blogging in the event they take everything, and also to ensure that whatever they do take will be maximally inaccessible and uninteresting to them. I’m not doing anything illegal, but as we’ll see, you don’t have to be doing anything illegal for the speech police to nail you.

And with that, the paywall must come up. I am going to say some of my own rude things about the losers, creeps and uninspired bureaucratic dolts who sit at their desks oppressing ordinary people for their political expression, and if you’re a HateAid activist or a state prosecutor eager to bring charges against me, the least you can do is subscribe.