"What should I do if I'm scared because of Donald Trump?" – Spiegel consults a behavioural therapist on how to deal with the mental health consequences of Trump's victory

Maren Vogel is hard at work in Berlin helping Germans overcome their Trumppression.

Now I provide just a little dessert for my longsuffering subscribers. This is glorious, I promise.

You must understand that Trump’s victory has plunged all of Germany into a national trauma. It is the worst thing the Americans have ever done to us. Particularly a certain kind of ageing pinched female – the sort who is always sending her entrées back to the kitchen – is extremely upset. This is just the end, she is screaming, to her befuddled cats.

Not to worry! One of Germany’s dominant newsweeklies, Der Spiegel, is on the case. Yesterday, they brought in some totally insane psychotherapist named Maren Vogel from (of course) Berlin to help our battered estrogenic nation deal with the psychological consequences of Trump’s victory. Please, subscribe to my Substack if you haven’t already, so we can enjoy this gem together.