Berlin police investigate possibly fascist inflatable snowman, band sings "Fuck the AfD" on national TV, and the president of Eintracht Frankfurt demands that people vomit in the faces of AfD voters

A brief tour of the present German political hysteria

One day, this massive paroxysm of hatred and fury “against the right” must subside, because it is just impossible for a society to maintain this level of emotional excitement forever. For the moment, though, it is a thing to behold.

German Minister of Deindustrialisation Robert Habeck has announced ahead of elections in Berlin that “It is ours to decide whether we can overcome right-wing radicalism and fascism in Germany and put them in their place.” Were you to watch his speech totally ignorant of current events, you’d have to conclude that Alternative für Deutschland had a supermajority in the Bundestag and Habeck was leading the resistance from a bunker somewhere.

Yesterday morning a random pop band appeared on state television to sing “Fuck the AfD.” This really happened, I watched the song myself. What a good feeling it is, knowing that I pay 18.36 Euro a month for this stuff.

A whole fight has broken out at the carnival in Cologne, after AfD councillors adorned a CDU district mayor with a festive medal (a so-called Karnevalorden). The mayor was forced to apologise because he didn’t refuse the favour, the Greens suspended their cooperation with the CDU in the neighbourhood council on account of the grave offence to diversity, and the festival committee president opened a literal investigation into the firm that manufactured the trinket – who have of course likewise apologised and promised to donate their proceeds from the order to charity.

Just a few days ago, Peter Fischer, the honorary president of the football club Eintracht Frankfurt, gave a completely unhinged interview to RTL in which he screeched that “one in four or one in five people on the street is a Nazi.” “Break down their doors and gates,” he said of AfD voters, “slap them in the face! Puke in their faces! I don’t give a shit!” The whole time he was waving his hands like some totally crazy person on cocaine. It is like the great vaccinator hysteria from fall 2021 all over again.

Perhaps most amazing, however, is this story about a police investigation into an inflatable snowman planted before the AfD offices in Berlin-Pankow:

Crack fascism investigators with the Berlin police, drawing on their immense political expertise, determined that the figure was offering the Hitler salute. They wrote a report and a chief inspector with the State Criminal Police Office sent an “urgent request” to the AfD demanding that they explain themselves. Party officials responded that it was obviously a commercially available figurine which they had bought in 2018. Amazingly, it turns out that the snowman is neither a National Socialist nor right-wing extremist; he is merely waving. Now that experts have cleared the inflatable of all political suspicion, it is probably safe to buy it again; you can order your own here for 280 Euro.

Meanwhile, energy-intensive German industries continue to reduce production; there is no end in sight. The economy is facing its longest recession in 20 years. But we’re really sticking it to “the right,” and that’s what counts.