In which the Green Party commits an accidental fascism by passing a law with AfD support

The Presidium of the Saxon Landtag in panic after a bill passes with unexpected AfD support.

To save all that is Right and Good about Our Democracy, the cartel parties of the Federal Republic have erected a massive firewall round the Evil Fascist Nazi Hitlerites of Alternative für Deutschland.

According to this highly democratic arrangement, which effectively disenfranchises one-fifth of the German electorate, none of the cartel parties may achieve any parliamentary outcomes with AfD votes. Nobody may so much as approve the purchase of single-ply toilet paper if doing so requires AfD votes. This is because Evil Fascist Nazi Hitlerism is a contagion, and anything Evil Fascist Nazi Hitlerites might vote for – even if it is just toilet paper – immediately becomes Evil and Fascist and Nazi and Hitler by association.

Some valued readers have noticed that the firewall would seem to grant AfD unusual powers. If everything the AfD touch is fascism, then they should be able to drive the Defenders of Our Democracy before them merely by threatening to taint the perfectly reasonable and democratic and upstanding things these Defenders already want to do with their fascistic support. The risk has become so grave that the virtuous antifascist politicians of the Federal Republic are forced to exert untold effort behind the scenes, coordinating every last vote to avoid accidentally achieving some outcome with AfD support purely by accident. The stronger the AfD becomes, the greater the risk grows.

Alas, the AfD has become so strong, especially in East Germany, that it is not always possible to avoid committing the odd accidental fascism. It can happen to the best of people, even the very best of people, as it did to the Greens in the state parliament of Saxony on Wednesday.

Now, you must remember that there are not very many Greens in the Saxon parliament. In fact there are only seven of them. So when they drew up a bill intended to spare small, regional slaughterhouses various fees and bureaucratic red tape, they had little hope that it would go anywhere, particularly because the centre-right CDU was opposed. When debate concluded, however, both the AfD and the Bündnis Sahra Wagenknecht (BSW) factions raised their hands in favour, to general shock and consternation. This is how fascism happens – unexpectedly and all at once, when nobody is paying attention, and in this case also on video:

The chairman of the session nervously noted that “I’ve seen a majority of votes in favour here.” He consulted briefly with his nonplussed colleagues, and then declared baselessly that “We in the Presidium can’t agree on the result.” He requested that the MPs repeat the vote, this time by standing instead of raising their hands. The purpose was obviously to give the Greens a chance to vote against their own proposal, deny their bill a majority, and thereby strangle this particular incipient fascism in the crib, as if it were Baby Hitler.

Unfortunately, our seven hapless Greens had no time to coordinate their response and so everybody voted exactly the same way the second time, with the result that the bill passed and local slaughterhouses will be spared some paperwork and expenses, which is precisely the outcome Hitler would’ve hoped for or the AfD wouldn’t have supported it.

Afterwards, Green faction-leader-turned-fascist-enabler Franziska Schubert released this amazing statement regretting the success of her own party’s bill:

This majority pains us deeply as a democratic parliamentary group. Since the start of this legislative term, we have consistently done everything in our power to ensure that the AfD secures no majorities in this state parliament. We have succeeded in this with regard to hundreds of motions and amendments. Today, however, we were unable to prevent exactly this from happening … We are deeply dismayed by this.

At no point did we seek a majority with the AfD and the BSW for this motion. We will not do so in future either, and will do everything in our power to optimise the arrangements in the state parliament so that the AfD cannot provide majorities. Until the end of the debate, the AfD had expressed opposition to the bill and hurled abuse at the Green Party … In the end, the AfD and the BSW only voted in favour … to make a mockery of the democratic parliamentary groups …

If any of your friends doubt that German politics have become absolutely retarded, please send them this story.